How can it be March 2nd already? I keep looking at the calendar to be sure and then I double check the computer calendar for a second opinion. Yep, it's still the 2nd day of March and this day only has 4 hours left in it to put to use. I want to rush to the studio and play to my hearts content, but I know the most important thing I can do for myself right now is lie my head on my comfortable pillow and just sleep until the cats wake me up 'before' the bright, but still in the early morning hours. I can't wait for the days when the sun rises up and sheds light across the valley early in the morning. It will be such a delight to the soul...my spirit will dance in the pleasure of longer days and perhaps it will make the aging spirits rise and rejoice as well.
However, it is to much to ask that the aging spirits rise up and rejoice in the early morning light. My parents are aging and I have to say, this is a really tough process. Age does not rejoice at this stage, but it pounds like a wild drum in the hearts of all family members who try to help with the process. Aging steals little bits of life over and over again on a daily basis. Aging doesn't know any boundaries; it just jumps in one day and takes over the lives you once knew.
I have to say, life has been difficult these last few weeks, watching and learning how I can best help with my parents as age takes over. They are in their 87th and 89th years and up until a month ago, they still seemed so young and so able to live without the added help of others. It feels to me as if the world begins to collapse in some way and I know what the end asks for...but for me, the youngest of 7 living siblings, seems like age is asking to much of me. I want this creature called 'age' to stop and let me have my parents back, especially my Mom as she has aged considerably in the last month.
To tell you the truth, I'm terrified! I cannot imagine a life without my mother, my best friend, my true confidant. She has been there for me through thick and thin. Through all the troubles of life she has given me sound advice and given me the strength to carry on. I pray ever day that I can do the same for her and that I can be the boulder of strength for her that she has always been for me.
I think so often of the books I read to my children, but right now I cannot remember the name of them about a young man that a mother cares for and as the mother ages, the son cares for her. I am in the caring stages now. I love her so much and I want only the best for her. I want to show her joy, strength, courage...I want her to know that all is okay in the world and that it is okay to depend on me. I so want to be strong...tonight, I just don't feel that way so much. It was a long day of worry, of care, of just trying to let Mom know how very much I love her.
Oh I remember, the story; it was "I'll Love you Forever," by Robert Munsch. What a beautiful story it is. Please follow the link and read the story he wrote. There is so much to learn about 'age,' how it jumps in and steals so quickly the lives you once knew. But somehow it all helps me to find the peace and strength that I need each day. I will love my mother forever and I will help her to live as peacefully as possible through this process of aging.
Age, please allow me the time to let my Mom know how very much I love her. She is my world and I love her more than anyone can ever know or unerstand. Give me these days to help her so that when life comes to an end, it is easy on her. Please let her know that I am there for her always and that she can fully depend on me. Give her the strength she needs through this difficult time.
It is a prayer more than anything else. Say a prayer for her strength and for her courage, for mine as well. It is what we need right now.
With many blessings,